Four day Caples-Routeburn exploration combo package, includes unplastical butchery, free teas, bus company conspiracy and ultratrail running

Tramping, tramping, tramping, enough mountains and valleys here to hike for kalpa’s, the time it take to swipe away a mountain with a handkerchief, or like a South African saying: enough mountains to walk until your legs just reach to your knees. I’m well on my way to do so. New standards were set with the Caples-Routeburn, 62km in 3 days. No scoop of the century this time, no deer hunting, no spooky campsites. Honestly, it was just boring and I don’t like to be here at all. I hate it to drive 80km to get to the start of another over-the-top hyped in the middle of nowhere full-of-sandflies suffering-for-a-vocation walk. But I had to go anyway, because I can’t control my feet, and who knows where you’ll end up then. I chose to combine the Caples with the Routeburn, because you come back to the same side of the mountains again. Otherwise you would have to take a bus back for maybe 3-4h around the mountains. There are no roads here, so it takes a lot of time to get somewhere. There is actually a plan on the table to build a tunnel under this mountain range to shorten the driving time to the Milford Sounds and attract even more tourists. Splendid! Glenorchy, which is like a sleepy hollow, would be transformed in a bus carbon dioxide absorbing smog town. Fantastic! Luckily the locals are firmly opposed. Like, this is all National Park, heaps of rules, no shitting on trails, no dogs, no freedom camping, but a tunnel which would bring the whole system out of balance for maybe two yeas, that’s ok. So the Caples is a really nice valley through farmland with a lot of cows and some sheep and a gently flowing river, but only to the Upper Caples Hut. Normally it would have taken 5-8h to get over the McKellar Saddle following a small difficult forest trail. But there was a new “upgraded, improved” trail, road would be more appropriate here. With explosives and diggers the nice trail, of which you could see the remnants sometimes, was washed away, to create a super-wide "road" instead. Why, I don’t know. It really looked like a construction site, and in fact the people who constructed it were actual road workers, more familiar with butchery work than fine surgical operations. A ranger told me it will take time to heal, time for the plants and vegetation to come back, and then it will be nice again. So once I was through this 12km horror, I could get ready for the next day, for the Milford Sounds. I had it all sorted out: walking-cruise-walking. So I could avoid to drive all the way up with my own car, and I was really happy, because the road was steep and long all the way. Because here you are in the Fiordlands, which is World Heritage Area, and there are literally hundreds of mountains in every direction. So the road to the cruise was at least as scenic, maybe even more, as the cruise itself. But a boat is nice for a change, and you could get free tea and coffee a volonté. So 10 teas later, and a pocket of free sugars richer, it was time to get back to the Divide parking lot. But I got to be the victim of a set-up. So I got an email from the cruise to tell me to take the next boat, so I had to change my bus back as well. I called them and it was all fixed, no problem. But apparently this stupid woman had changed the date as well to that Sunday when I made the call. So off course I didn’t show up and the whole thing was cancelled. Now the bus driver called the company and they told I would have to pay again 35 dollars if I wanted to take the bus which I originally booked. Unbelievable, they make a ridiculous mistake - how can I take a bus back 300km further at 5pm when I call at 1 or 2pm - and want me to turn up for it. I just hitchhiked back, which was not easy because all these stupid tourists don’t want a guy with a beard and long hair in their nice rental car. Now I went to their office in Te Anau and they put the money back on my visa account, which could take up to 5 working days! Luckily I had a nice walk ahead to forget about all the administrative shit. I also met the same people from the Rees-Dart again, the two German bivy (inside joke) girls and Jean-Lou, but they went in the other direction. I planned to take two days and a morning to finish the Routeburn. You just get deceived by the American fatties time-indications every time, and as there were only two campsites, you just book them. But later people told me it’s possible to do the hike in one day. So I skipped the first hut and so I also had to skip the second one. For backcountry huts you don’t need bookings, so you decide where and when you want to stay. This was a very long and tiring day, and my knees and feet were the victims. But it’s just cool to perform at your limits. Unfortunately the mountains were in the mist all morning, so I missed all the views on the other mountains and the Tasman Sea, but once over the pass, there was sunshine again. And I got a free ride in a nice 4WD straight away from a group of pseudo-trail runners to the other parking lot. These people just drove 40km extra for me while they had to go in the other direction. But they could drive 70-80 where I had to go 40-50km/h. The way this guy crossed one of the fords would have wrecked my car. Wham! Free carwash! And then it was time for a Samwash!